Hunting Man for Sport

Dear esteemed members of the Most Dangerous Game Hunting Club and Pickleball Association,

A new hunting season will soon be upon us and I look forward to seeing each and every one of you around the lodge soon. Before we get lost in the thrill of the hunt, there are a few new policies we must address. Remember, just because hunting man for sport is illegal doesn’t mean there aren’t rules. These rules are for everyone’s safety and comfort. Please review them before your next trip.

1. No veterans allowed — We understand the desire to “raise the stakes” but we are no longer allowing members to recruit veterans as prey. It has proven to be a fatal mistake almost every single time. For guests wanting more of a challenge we suggest an endurance athlete. They can be found online bragging about their accomplishments almost every weekend. This type of prey offers a new degree of difficulty and are particularly satisfying to shoot.

2. Please stop arming the prey- while it may seem sporting to offer them a knife or a kindly gesture to give them a pack of cigarettes, we can almost guarantee this gesture will lead to your own demise and the death, and possible dismemberment, of others. As tradition dictates, the prey will be given a carb rich final meal, a good nights sleep and a head start before the hunt. Aside from this, they will be equipped only with their wits. This is for your safety and the safety of the other members.

3. Proper hunting attire must be worn at all times — We understand that part of the allure of hunting man for sport is to intimidate the prey into making mistakes. This has lead many to develop characters or personas. Some quite colorful. However some have abused this policy and taken to wearing bondage wear while on the hunt. This has created an uncomfortable environment for the other hunters and will no longer be tolerated at MDGHPA sanctioned events.

4. No teasing the prey — While scaring and intimidating the prey into making mistakes is a time honored tradition and intrinsic part of the hunt, mocking them is simply in poor form and is most unsportsmanlike. Please respect your quarry as they have been through a lot.

5. Septic friendly toilet paper only please — As you know, our game preserve is quite remote. This adds a certain majestic and rugged nature to the hunting experience. This also means we are removed from sewage systems and must rely on septic tanks. Please be mindful of what you put down the drain.

6. Look twice, shoot once — Please make sure your target is indeed the prey and not another hunter that the prey has dressed up like a decoy. We lose more members this way than perhaps any other.

It is with regret that we must make any rules but these are in place to make sure you get the most enjoyment possible out of the hunt.

Thank you for your understanding

Mr. X

Author. Father. Dog owner. I stare at the wall a lot. More about me here:

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